The promised pictures

I can't take credit for the last 3 pictures. Those are thanks to Sequoia and her friend Kieran. Thank you literally for them. We apparently really enjoy tress and air, even in the winter :) Stand by for more words.

First Failure

I stopped showing up. And this is ,by NO means, my first failure. Nearly 1 month ago, I said I would write everyday and for the last 2 weeks I have thought about writing every stinking day. Some of the things you (the non-existant "you") are: The oil, the bread, the wine. Welcome to the Skagit. 3 miles of windbreaker-free jogging to reach the chile, bananas, and gatorade at the finish line. This is West Seattle people. Move. 36 feet in the house; The making of a home. Maybe some day when my brain gets plugged we can-recap a few of these. Right now, let's talk music and books. Oh wait, NO. Lets talk about the crazy lady that snarled at me while walking to work this morning. Some days I take the bus to The Skagit to work. From the station, there's about a 1/2 mile walk to the office. It's uphill and this is always humbling but this morning it was sunny and cool so I was just happy to be soaking in the vitamin D (more than the 800mgs that I had already popped before my coffee). Walking along, I passed an older woman dressed in pastel topped with a hand knitted pink hat half on. I said good morning and she smiled....then she snarled and started waving her hands around and walking after me...fast! Now, there have been a number of times where I've been in similar situations (well the mentally unstable wandering my direction making strange sounds at least) but the contrast was wild. She smiled so dearly, then started walking (did I mention FAST) after me. Fearing she would wander into the road, my adrenaline kicked in and I hollered to her to watch out for the car then quickly scooted around the corner of the building. I am not afraid of old ladies, nor do I try to avoid those who are unable to control their language, bodies, or faces. What tipped me over the edge was a friend of mine who had told me about his phobia of grandma's. He has a serious phobia of old ladies....for JUST THIS REASON. I started laughing and didn't stop until I reached the office. There the story was shared. Not at her expense, to clarify. AN enjoyment of humanity. Of all the unpredictability of it. The messiness and unknown of it. That a greyed and paled 80 year old who may have not taken her meds can rev an adrenaline packed response from a 30 year old, just hopping off the bus and entering reality for the day. I am so glad to have "met" her. She waved...I suppose that counts as meeting. Today a good one. Overall, winters are getting harder to stay cheery through. I am learning about my nature; a selfish, crabby, and funked young lady. These things are all in me. They do not define me though. Thankfully, there is more. There is TRUTH and there are levels of this Good News of Christ that I have not known and haven't needed to. Some islands that I got to stand on today were: Jean Vanier's book; Our Life Together Iron and Wine, Boy with a Coin Wintersleep, Weighty Ghost And folks...we've got pictures. I will post some next time.

Showing Up

here I am. Showing up to write. It's 9:34pm. I"m in bed. Groceries bought and dishes done (well, mostly). We are ready to head over to Chimacum; a favorite gathering spot at the Sister and Brother-in law's farm house. The camera search continues since I would really like to get one that will be exactly what I/we want and not a hasty purchase. You may have to bear through some phone shots until then since this place is too beautiful not to at least attempt to share. My goal: enjoy beauty. signing out.

WRITE EVERY DAY.

I am writing. Yes. Yes, that is what I am doing. Cam surprised me today and leaked my Christmas present...a new camera! Pictures are so dear and I have been learning the hard way for the past 5 years that God does take away, and He gives. He takes wisely and sovereignly and He gives unabashadley. I have lost many many pictures; of childhood, college adventures, lost loves, and precious times with family. A computer was stolen from my room in South Africa, a camera stolen literally seconds after I put it away but left the case unzipped, a box of photos from growing up lost in transition, a phone full of smiles ans simple moments that were intentionally taken. It's sad. Losing photos is sad. Other things have been lost too, some much more weighty than glossy prints. These I mourn daily. But to stay there? There has also been so much gained! Children, a home, a career, a community, a husband, and just plain gritti-ness of Spirit. There is no doubt that I have life. What the camera also means?? PRETTY PICTURES! We are planning some near-by explorations. You will see bits of them!

Tiny Steps towards FUN.

The other day I was asked what my hobbies are. This has always been a hard question for me since many folks excel at a few chosen things; knitting, cooking, photography, etc. I, however have mastered mediocre. A friend and I used to laugh that we were great at trying new things but not getting attached to them. I have tried a lot of hobbies! The ones that have stuck, the ones that I would love to do more of, seem so out of reach now. Travel. This was absolutely my favorite hobby. Quite a pricey one though at times and difficult with full time job and a full house. Kayaking. Also requires a bit of equipment and time. Photography. I've had too many camera's taken from me, or broken to want to step back into this right now. Writing. No excuses here...I just need to do it (hence this blog) Guitar. Always more stressful than fun due to my novice-ness. Running. Last year, I ran a half-marathon and this was the most I've accomplished at a "hobby" in a long time. Now I am starting again...remembering that for it to be a hobby it needs to be just for fun. Doing it for the sake of doing it. Because "it" is enjoyable. What's the missing ingredient? I would argue that it's commitment and practice. Deciding that these fun things are worth spending time and energy on. As I look up at this list...oh man...if I could spend my time doing these things...I would be one HAPPY GIRL! There are people around me that I admire so much who do this. They spend time on the things they love and the results are beautiful. Beautiful creations, experiences, and even more beautiful..the people and the lives that they live. Fun use to come quite easily to me and I had absolutely no problem prioritizing it. Now, that doesn't some so natural. 2014. Here comes the FUN. What is your favorite fun? How to do commit to it when responsibilities compete?

Another Try

It's been 6 months. It's almost 2014. Let's try this again. Last post was mostly a barf online. I'll try to save ya'll from that again. Still thinking about what to use this space for but my gut is saying that I should use it. My life is not super wild right now. We are in the norm right now; being married, raising some kids, going to church, owning a home, and working a job. In this all though, there's both the messy and the sparkling days. That is all. We'll see what 2014 brings. This is NOT a new years resolution (ughhhhh....or maybe....)

All my children

Just now, I realized that I am a disturbingly picky person. It took me a few seconds to decide which particular mug to drink my tea from. obviously, the mug must fit my mood, the beverage, and the time of day. The morning coffee cups are functional, plain and not to distract me from the goodness they hold. Their job is sacred. Deliver caffeine to my face. Evening mugs are completely different. They are to be enjoyed and contemplated. Beauty and process appreciated. Tonight's is a burgundy handmade tall one with a reminding crack down one side. Simple shape and horrendously insulated so you burn your hands and have to drink slowly. Please know that I am fully aware that you have better things to do with your time than read about my mug choices. But you are reading a blog, so you must enjoy glimpses into people's worlds be they mundane or riveting. There are millions of excuses I could give for not writing. My reason of the day varies like my mug choice. Today's is that I haven't had a writing "space." Even that can't keep these words from flowing tonight. I plopped my writing desk and favorite blue lamp smack in front of the window of our front room which is thoroughly and completely a construction zone right now. The view outside is a yard filled with dirt and overgrown flower bed. Fortunately the 6 foot tall lilies dominate and quickly capture your attention.

The wonderful wreckage of our 113 year old home being revamped is besides the point however. What is bursting from my fingers is the idea that still God has me bridging. A theme that was chosen someone flippantly still continues to work its way into my life. God is good to prepares us with names that will remind us that He was with us then and now. Now I stretch. Bridging the world of adult; traditionally employed, home owning, parenting, married, churchgoing, yard-working, lady and that of the hidden young faces on the sidewalks and shelters of our town. Last week at my softball game (see, I'm even on a women's softball team!) I walked through the parking lot and saw a license plate hold that read, "I'd rather be watching Ellen." yes, of course it was on a Subaru. How typical. This world just an hour after leaving the world of a 20 year old who was hit and hurt as a kid, finds whatever they can to feel better now, can't quite follow through enough to come to a GED class twice a week, swears up and down (and in my face) that its all my fault, lands them-self in jail then wonders why their dad doesn't comes to visit. How typical.

They are both gorgeous in their honesty. and they don't typically talk with each other. Which do I stand aligned with? Both, at the exact same time. And then there's my children. All my children. None biological at this point and three that are truly family. Three beautiful children that sleep at home and raid the fridge. I am more grateful than anyone can really know that I get to be a part of their lives as they unfold in uniquely fruitful and challenging ways. Then there's the children that I see at work. I hear their stories and secrets and am tasked with the job of supporting them to become "self sufficient." To work their way back into being a contributing member of society. More than anything I want to be there with them; understanding and walking with them through the muck. And more than anything I want to be at home in my yard with the kids, playing in the sprinkler and baking delicious rosemary sea salt bread. Weeding the garden bed and pouring over maps planning our next camping trip. Sometimes the stretch makes me sore. Sore but unbelievably thankful to be allowed into so many worlds. Permitted to see so many young ones make mistakes and then have a long awaited win! My cup overfloweth. This simple grey clay cracked one particularly right now. Thank you Lord.

When I get Older, I will be Stronger

How is it that all it takes during Zoomba for me to cry is hearing and trying to move freely to the song, "When I get older, I will be stronger."? This, for a point of reference is the theme song to the 2010 World Cup games in South Africa.



Oh Lord, I hope so.

Two years ago, I experienced something more painful than I ever had before, something that will affect me for the rest of my life and at the time, I didn't recognize it for what it was. Once illuminated, the healing can begin. It seemed to me that I had felt exceptionally fragile since returning from my year abroad and some of this I attributed to the expected culture shock, transition, etc. Then more than ever, as I wanted to run and hide, community becomes especially necessary. True friends, the ones who know me as much more than the happy go lucky, appeasing, wandering lady have been so good. So powerful. And for them, I am grateful. I am thankful for them (you know who you are), for my dear husband who has walked with me gently and lead me with hope and inspiration into unknown places, and to those unlikely voices of healing that have surprised me over the last 2 years. This one's for them!

It's a relatively short list but their impact goes deep.

Wendy, my yoga instructor. As soon as we returned to the states, I jumped back in to going to yoga since it's always been good for my mind (and body). This class was advertised as an "all levels welcome" and donation only. Two things that sounded particularly appealing. She hosted the class at a renovated Foundary in downtown bellingham. The room was beautifully simple and always slowed my breathing the moment i walked in the room. The emphasis of Forrest Yoga (her particular practice) focuses on self healing (which, granted, I have some theological disagreements with)but what I gleaned from this time was the focus and dedication and capacity we have to change. That capacity affects every part of our being and all those around us. Wendy's voice was always cheerful and calming but determined. Excited but peaceful. Like there will be some grand adventures, and some very trying times but in the end, all will be well. A hymn that often got stuck in my head during that time, "It is well with my soul." At the time, it didn't seem true but i believe my Father knew I needed reminding of that promise. She unknowingly taught me about resilience. She pushed us to hold poses longer and stronger and to try new ones. Moving to the edge of where were comfortable and to look ahead trying to gather the courage to take one step further. Each class ended with low light, peppermint eye pillows and a quick rest. Then we would drink a bit of tea, chat a laugh. For 4 months, I was there faithfully. Less and less as time went on (and price went but it was a needed season and God taught me so much through Wendy's voice. Whether or not she knows it...or Him. Thank you.







Mary, loving mamma (formerly) of the Three Trees. She has always greeted us (the whole fam) with a great big smile and hugs. She delights in seeing good friends and wants them to know it! Whether or not everything is okay, she is there and glad to be there. Her invitations to the farm, honest questions, and secure presence has repeatedly enveloped us over the past 2 years. Whether it is by scooping Miette up in her arms and telling her she's her favorite or by just smiling our direction as we laugh together, encouraging us along the way.

This brings me to Miette, my littlest step-daughter. She's a gem to say the least. All three of the kids are bright spots in my world but Miette has a timing about her that is a unique gift. She will innocently plop herself down on your lap or attack you with a surprise hug, demanding your full attention and affection. Her enthusiastic distraction has over and over, unstuck my mind from whatever concern it was mulling. She cracks herself up and brings everyone around her along for the ride. The trust and confidence of a child just oozes from this little pink blur. Lessons that God can only teach through children have been hovering around our home landing in my heart at just the right time. He is so good.

Most recently, there's Jenny the Zoomba instructor. Don't laugh at me. At least not until you've seen me ZOOMBA!

Okay, sorry. this is very true though.

My friend invited me to go to class with her and I agreed. One, because I hadn't seen this particular friend in way too long but also figured it would be fun to get some exercise in a different way. Jenny's first two instructions were: DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, and DON'T THINK. Sounds easy enough but when you're essentially learning moves that I haven't done since the 8th grade graduation dance...it's easy to THINK about the fact that you are SERIOUSLY making a fool out of yourself. The necessary response..."oh well." By the end of that first class, I was all smiles, ranting about how everyone should do Zoomba...they dont' know what they're missing! I learned later that everyone HAS been doing Zoomba...for like 10 years. hah. well, that's par for me. about 8 years behind the crowd. Anyway, i salsa'd, belly danced, and chacha'd my booty off for 2 hours then beaming met up with Cam. He met me with a big grin and just the comment..."you look really happy!" So now, most weeks, led by the driving and joyful voice of Jenny we dance our pants off (sorry Richard Simmons) and have a great time doing it. Some weeks are much more challenging though. It's hard to not think, or not take yourself seriously when you feel so broken. Lately there have been more songs from South Africa. A Miriam Makebe song about a dance they do in the townships (one of my favs), and 2 or 3 that were played in the air for about 3 months before, during, and after, the World Cup. They are reminders. Reminders that we can grow. And that we are not alone in that process. That it's a really really good thing that we grow. And that through that, we cannot take ourselves too seriously or THINK too much, or we'll end up stumbling over our feet and biting the dust. DANCE! Even if it doesn't match the music and it's not the same moves everyone else is doing.DANCE.

For those of you who know me. i don't like to hurt. i don't do it well. What I have learned, with the help of these few folks mentioned and many others is that it can be okay. More importantly, that our God is real in those times. That his promises are true still. They become even more sweet when they need to be true.


grace + peace

A brief survey for those faithful few

Hi Friends.

I just want to get a quick idea. My heart jumps a little (like a chubby kid excited about their birthday party at Chucky Cheeses) when i think about picking up this blog and writing more often.
Wondering which direction I should take it in..... options that I can think of are:

Escapades at home

photography

general commentary

people around me (and the wildness that ensues)

pretty peaceful things/daydreams

Or any combination of the above? Open to suggestions?
What have you enjoyed in the past most?

cheers darlings,
robin

PRAY!

It should be no surprise that on a Saturday in the beginning of March in Washington it's raining. Like, Washington rain. Grey sky, grey water, plopping drops with a misty background. Cameron is out of town at a training, the kids are at a climbing competition in Oregon so Poppy and I have the house to ourselves. The day started out wonderfully peaceful and productive and has come to a tumultuous and unnerving climax at about 4pm. This piece will assume for a brief moment that you care what I've done today, then hopefully we'll move past that.

This morning I crawled out of bed at 6:30am with Cam to take the kids to the YMCA so they can head to their Comp. Came back home, crawled back in bed with the puppy and read for a bit....then watched an episode of White Collar (which is my current television addiction)


Motivated to get out of bed by the dog who I have lovingly nicknamed, "Happy Feet" due to her persistent wiggling when she needs to go outside, we headed out for a run. in the rain. Now I am not a "runner" but having a dog who needs to get some excersize helps me realize that I have a body that needs to get some excersize too!We usually have a great time. Today, Poppy begrudgingly shuffled along with me tugging at her collar to keep up. We made it for about 15 minute before I gave up and started walking back towards home.

Then it was off to run an errand and make a little stop at a trailer park Estate Sale. You want to spend a Saturday morning with some cutthroat, bleach haired, pink lipsticked, old ladies...go to a Trailerr park Estate sale.I don't recommend it.

A friend came over for a lovely chat. After that, it all went downhill.

For some crazzy reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go to the mall. I am 28 years old and should obviously know by now that going to the mall, just because, is never a good idea.

If there is anything that inspires me to pray, to plead with God to have Jesus return, it's going to the mall just because.

Being there, i feel the wrath of everything that I despise and struggle against, only its presented in a socially acceptible manner and we BUY IT! We pay a hefty price to hear the messages that tell us that we are not good enough. Recently, I've been reading in Matthew:

"Therefore, i tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"....And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lillies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these...Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." 6: 25...34

My prayer in leaving is for peace. For redemption and wholeness for all those who feel busted and broken. That they would not go looking for it at Kohls, or on sale at Victoria Secret but in their Father who see's them as precious.

A day that started out in this place, of rest and peace and stillness watching the grey bay from Woods, motivated to put a bit of time into work at ACCESS FREEDOM



against an injustice that I believe is rampant and goes unseen too often.

This day quickly spiraled down to self loathing thoughts with a 50% discount. During the drive home, my Savior came and reclaimed the territory, and in that changes my thoughts to prayer. Hope for something greater. Something more. Something eternal that we can wait for and cling to, even in the drizzling rain on a grey Saturday in Bellingham.

Movement and Contentment

This morning, while sitting out on the balcony looking out at fog blanketed Bellingham Bay, my mind settled on the word, "Home". Around me was, a Christmas tree in a bright orange 5 gallon bucket waiting to be hung up, a little red tricylce, the bbq with some utensils still hanging on it, squash nestled up next too a little decorative lantern on the table, my planter of mint, and the birdhouse (which has yet to house a bird). It was most definitely not perfect out there on the porch. Not the type of scene you would see on a design website or in a magazine. I sat in a green camping chair. And I was home. Coffee in hand and husband inside making breakfast, I breathed in deep and realized that although there has been so much movement around us this past few weeks; of furniture, people, and places, we are in a place that we love and trust that it is exactly where God has us for now. We can rest in that instead of looking ahead to what's next or what's better.


The Movement:



Three Trees has officially shut it's doors: An era in downtown Bellingham's world has ened. The Three Trees Coffee Shop is closed. Envisions's Ministries (the Christian ministry funding the place) is still alive and well and the church will still meet on Sunday evenings but the downtown livingroom is gone. So many times the characters that frequent that place have come up in my writing and will continue to in my heart always. It was the type of place where anyone, from anywhere, with any story to tell could find a spot at a table...and be heard. The Coffee shop also has a unshakable spot in my heart as it is where Cameron and I met...the first place that I saw this oddball artist sculpting stone at a table in the corner. We will miss you Trees.

The Meyers are in the little room again: We have a housemate again! It's fun to truly live life in community with others. There are challenges of course as you walk alongside new folks but too many positives out weigh any negatives, that we adopted a friend as a roomie. This did put us back on the south side of the house into the smaller room (with no view) but to be able to walk out to the kitchen and gaze out the huge window at the mountains is nothing to complain about.

Friends are awaiting their house closing: Our dear friends are still waiting for their pending home buying extravaganza to end. Meaning: they are anxiously awaiting being allowed to move into the house they are buying. For now, they live here too. Musical beds is the name of the game! Shuffling suitcases and mattress...pulling out sofa beds and cramming the fridge as full as we can.

Kids have new bunkbeds: The kids have bunkbeds! Quickly they were turned into a cave with sheets up and Christmas light strung around them. For 2 (pretty hip and cool) teenagers, they did great impressions of little kids having a blast playing in a make believe fort. We hope eventually for the kids to each have their own room but this is where we are right now...and they seem to be okay with it. The only complaint I heard was over who's mattress was more comfortable.


The Contentment:

We get creative, and have fun doing it. A few nights ago, I got overwhelmed with all the movement and the people and the changes. The only solution was to climb in bed, watch some TV and go to sleep. Some nights are like that. But since then...people have settled in and slowed down into a smoother rythmn. I can enjoy the funny things when people live in close quarters and can run around at the park across the street and play tag (yes, I still play tag) Man, am I thankful to have a 7 year old step daughter who loves to play tag!

We cook great meals, sit down together discussing...well, tonight it was Pink FLoyd, wreath design, and memory foam). Kids are eager to make Chai Tea concentrate and deep friend cherries and have curry on wheat thins.

Saturdays can be spent snow shoeing up at Mount Baker and a seriously dynamic father daughter duo can have a blast together jumping off snowy hills that stodgy-step mom (hah) is too nervous to slide down on her bum.






God is Good. Cam and I have gotten into the habit of listening to Tim Keller online; his sermons are fantastic! The other night as I sunk into my pillow, Kellar was explaining how the Goodness of God frees us from worry. God is not only the only one who truly knows what we need, He is the only one with the cahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifpability to give it to us. We ask so many others, and bang our heads against every wall trying to get it for ourselves. He knows and He gives. He is Good and He Loves us. Simple truths really but the implications of believing these are stunning. At least I have been stunned at the many ways and many circumstances that I practically don't believe. But we grow. This year, God has challenged me in completely new ways...to follow Him into the unknown, trusting that He is Good, and He loves us.


http://www.redeemer.com/

Accepting HOME this morning was a new acceptance of His goodness and provision, not just some wonderful "self discovery" or anything. It was His grace allowing me to see where He has us. Thank God....for all of this.

Simple Pleasures

This last week was about the simple things. Generic and cliche as it is, I am breathing them in deeply. During the next few weeks, there will be more transitions and new possibilities so easy days and pretty views are cherished. There will be nothing profound here just some snapshots of things that have made me smile recently:



1. Open Mic Night at the Three Trees: There will be only 1 of these left before the place closes its doors and is transformed into a tavern (guh, just what this college town needs)This has been an incredible place for so many, becoming the downtown "livingroom," and meeting place. Here are Mitch and Ken version of "Down on the Delta"




2. My collection. Until a few days ago, I didn't know that I collected anything. But I do. Small bud vases. They are just pretty. Dusk is especially fancy when viewed through the antique glass. Other than my lovely man, they are the first thing I see when I wake up and look out the window at what the day may hold.




3. Date Night & Concerts in general. Cam and I went to see The Cave Singers, an accidental Seattle band who put one quite a show Friday Night. In true Bellingham fashion, there were LOTS of beards, flannel, ski caps, and brown boots. Lead singer played the melodica. That's fun. Also fun was watching Cameron react to somehow ending up behind the bounciest, loudest, flalingest two girls in the crowd. She stomped his toes with her (very cute) brown boots. I laughed (while i tried to not), she laughed (obliviously), and he smiled (that sarcastic, "i love this" type of smile). We had fun!




4. A window with a view. This never gets old. Each night displays different colors and patterns. They are especially crisp and bright this time of year. Nuff said.




5. Mucky walks on Sehome Hill, giggling to myself about all the dingleberries on the bushes. Since it's almost Thanksgiving it seems about the right time to decorate the house for Christmas so I went foraging. Holly branches, check. Cedar branches, check. Spruce branches, check. Dingleberries (hehehe) check. Just enough to home make a wreath (it ended up just a evergreen mustache with a bow, but looks just as festive on the front door). Being that I live in Bellingham which is an extremely environmentally conscious town, while walking i was preparing my defense in case I encountered someone personally offended that innocent branches were being snipped from unsuspecting trees. My approach: only clipping one off of each tree. A longer walk, but that was just fine on the chilly, frosty, perfect day.

For now, that's it. The aim is contentment and these things help. Trying to just find moments and images each day and let them soak in.

There are too many similarities between this blog right now and the house plants in my condo. I am well intentioned. Honestly. Now, I am not sparking this little laptop up and lettin my fingers fly because the words that come out will probably do any one any good. It is not a narcissistic attempt to find my fifteen minutes of virtual (or viral) fame. Writing is good for me, so is reading. So lets just view this blog post as a watering can full of plant food and water given to my limp flowers in hopes that they'll perk up for at least a day. Its worth a try. And. I found the plants in an ally on a dumpster on a day when I was really needing some flowers in my life. So they have served their purpose and there's not much to loose.

It's been nearly 7 months since I've written on here. I can sum them up.

May: prepare for wedding festivities. Family fun. Big party, pretty white dress, hunky man waiting for me at the end of the isle, good food, lots of dancing. Honeymoon in Boston, Maine, and Cape Cod. A true New England tour complete with lobster feasts and a sunset cruise and a visit to the SS. Constitution. (i like boats. Become a wife and momma (or a steppie, depending on the lingo you prefer)

June: Normal spring/summer fun here in B'Ham. Farmers markets, frisbee in the park, camping up on the Nooksack river, garage sales. Perfectly fine things to do with your NEW HUSBAND AND STEP KIDS (from here out will be referred to as "the clan."

July: More summer exploration: Larabee, hiking, lots of work, become a liscenced bar tender and tend my first bar. And probably my last. find rope swings and swim at the local lakes. Oh, and I turned 28. Which i was afraid would feel old. But my husband is 35 (he looks young), so I feel young and spry!

August: Work, splashing in lakes, wishing I had a dog, work, interviewing for new job (for the 4th time this year...ugh), work, then a lovely annual family camping trip to Gold Basin.

September: Labor day weekend at the Farm in Port Townsend that Cameron's sister and brother in law live at. Play with llamas and fling apples at a barn. So nice. Reconnect with some friends that I've been distracted from. That whole newlywed thing I suppose. ;) Weddings number 3 and 4 of the summer. Get my first "real" haircut in probably 5 years. Oh did I feel sexy!

October: Life slows to a manageable pace, like it's supposed to in autumn. Kids are back in school. Work (which by the way almost always will refer to the non-profit work that Cameron and I are doing. my real work is not so exciting...well its exciting in a prime time sitcom type of way...think The Office) slows before a big push for the community training. YMCA visits are more frequent as the sun is starting to set EARLY.

November: And here we are. My doctor prescribed,"Exercise" to me on my last visit to still my reeling mind and to ground me a bit after a whirlwind summer. I do. Some. Not enough probably. But now it's dark at 4:30 pm and the cold wind is not as inviting to pop out for a run. It was also suggested to me recently to take care of myself...which means...spoiling myself with tasty warm beverages, candle light, warm baths, time to read and write(ahem, hence I am plopped down in front of my computer), and quietness. I've set some goals.

1. Write weekly on this thing. No matter who, if anyone reads. And for real writing regularly. Like the pen and paper kind.
2. Read a book every 2 weeks-ish. Fun ones. Not the non-fiction learning ones I am normally drawn to.

Becoming a psuedo momma and wifey have taken some learning but my man and his kiddos are incredible. The kids are a riot and a joy and don't even get me started about my adoring Husband. There will probably be a post just about HIM.

For now, here are some pics from a drizzly walk we took before heading into church-ish at the Three Trees Coffee Shop. Thank God for that place.





Until next time.
Here's one for laughs. She fell. Really.

The View from Here

It's the first day all year that Bellingham has gotten above 50 degrees. And it's sunny! It's the type of day that we Bellinghamsters dream of. People are out in tank tops, skirts, Chacos and are sporting their $5 sunglasses at the swarming farmers market. The day is lovely. Today thought, I am wrestling with a cold, and the chilly breeze. I must rest, but I want to run, explore, wander, play. I am inspired today by some friends of mine who are so good at resting. At truly enjoying the stillness and wonderful spots of beauty around them, regardless of their mood or health. Happy with a great book and a nice view. Right now, I am surrounded by both.



There are 35 days until I will be Mrs. Robin Marie Crispulo Meyer. These moments of solitude will be few and far between in the next month. Here's to them!! Looking forward to one of these this evening too!

A Texas Toast

Here's to a lovely trip to Texas! Lots of little adventures and a lot of "wow...in texas _________"
In conclusion. Texas is very different than Washington. We all had a blast. Stories to come in the next post.

Staring down a Squirrel

No, this entire post will not be a story about a squirrel. But for some reason a moment yesterday which only lasted about one minutes was the most impactful of the day. I am not good at being sick and yesterday I was sick and at work. Thankfully, it was the sort of day where I could truly just stare at the wall or out the window for a long time before anyone would notice that my mind was completely somewhere other than the Recovery Center. My attention would be shaken back into the moment when some frantic and demanding person walked in with an arsenal of questions. One particular woman caught my attention quickly when, as my coworker was trying to patiently explain a frustrating reality to her...she snapped "Don't SpeaK!" to the sweet girl next to me, behind the counter. We both blinked a few times in shock then I tried to explain to her again the situation as my colleague walked away so she could contain her giggles. Someone could turn the lobby at a drug and alcohol treatment facility into a pretty successful sitcom, I am convinced.

Back to the squirrel. At 4 o'clock, it was time to go home and I was waiting for Cameron to pick me up from work. (We are exploring the idea of car-sharing...so far so good). Out on the sidewalk in this little residential neighborhood, I was just pacing, trying to un-fill my mind from the days conversations. A little rustling and squabbling snagged my ear and I looked over at this big squirrel with a full mouth staring right at me. Giving me the sort of look you give someone when they are obviously in your way and you are obviously quite annoyed at them for being there. He must have been a cartoon squirrel to be so expressive and vocal. That look. I was blocking his path to the tree. With a deep sigh and an eye roll (I'm assuming) he went the long way around, gave me a "so there" look and scurried up his apple tree. Those 60 or so seconds of interacting with a squirrel (I told you I am sick...so yes, I may have been delusional). brightened my day, shook my mind back into reality and also challenged me to take the time to notice quick moments, sounds, or settings. They can change our mood. They can teach us something. Or at least, some funny moment can remind us to hear others voices. That silent moments are not just for thinking of what to say or do next...they can be times to listen.

Here's a few photos of Texas too! Thanks to my mom and Jeff for an amazing trip. My legs are still peeling from sunshine that got soaked into them (aka, Robin got a sunburn!)

to resume

…..To Resume.....

Rather than trying to fill in every gap in the last 6 months of life here in Bellingham. I think I will just give a brief overview of the main happenings, in a few different categories. Mostly, this is a chance to let anyone still interested know that the Ibhuloho blog is back in action! That word, which originally came to mind (thanks probably to the Holy Spirit), meaning, “a bridge” truly proved to be a theme carrying through the entire year in South Africa. Funnily enough, that theme is translating also into life in America. More on this coming up later in this post.

From then until now:

Days in the first few months were long and overwhelming. There is no way to describe what exactly was overwhelming about them other than to say, everything. I did not know how to deal with the normal daily demands. After a few months of living in Pretoria I had adjusted to the stresses and joys of each day there, but apparently hadn't retained my ability to function in the US. Cameron was adjusting too and the two of us made quite an emotional pair. We felt like little emotional tornados who occasionally bumped into the people around us or others. Some times, and these were the best, we were one tornado, understanding and whirling with each other able to understand and assist the other in trying to move forward not just spin in one place.

Obviously we've made it. And things are wonderful now. We're getting married!! Cameron was brave enough to propose on Christmas Eve, up on the rooftop where we had our first date 1 ½ years earlier. He offered me a gorgeous, C.CrispuloMeyer original green amber ring and I fanatically accepted.

Some highlights since coming home have been:

A Meyer family camping trip to Gold Basin. We played in the clay, hiked to the ice caves, and cooked some delicious meals on cast iron over the camp fire. The kids collected licorice root and we drank as much “licorice root tea” as we could swallow.

Monday night, cooking club. Also known as the Culinary Experimentation Club headed up by our friend Darren, Krista, my new roomate Kat, and Cameron. These have been lovely evenings of creating new, fun foods and some old classics. To check out the successes, look at Christa's wonderful food and travel blog: www.ramblingtart.com She has gorgeous pictures and captivating stories of a winter all over the world and some yummy home cooked meals we've concocted right here in the Northwest.

Re-exploring this amazing town, the “City of Subdued Excitement.” Cameron and I have had a good time seeing this city again, together! The walk to boulevard is a favorite, the Blue Horse cafe has a great jazz night at their art gallery, we chill at the Three Trees Coffee Shop, and forage at the local second hand shops for treasures or materials for projects.

Getting reconnected with the community at Redeemer Church. Some good friends that I left welcomed us both back with wide open arms and a sparked interest in the issue of Human Trafficking, in our community and abroad. God has been doing a great work here. When we first returned from South Africa, the hope was to get involved in some work that was being done in Bellingham in regard to countering human trafficking, but what we found was that most everyone who was participating in work was going down to Seattle to do that work. It is happening here though! Six months of praying, talking with people, looking around, and thinking has brought us to a place where we, along with our friend Laura Converse will be starting an organization called, The Bridges Coalition. Again, more on this at the end of the blog.

A Christmas trip to Vancouver. Some failed attempts to find Salsa dancing and live music left Cameron and I eating corn chips, drinking home made rum and coke, and dancing in the living room looking out over a lit up Vancouver.

Working a “normy” job again. 8-4 as a receptionist in a drug and alcohol recovery center. This is absolutely the most challenging job I've ever had. There will be stories.

I've been having fun learning to cook with more ingredients than just rice, pasta, and veggies from the street vendors. A few hits have come out of the the Moosewood Cookbook. This restaurant in Ithaca, NY has not failed me yet. Lemon-tyme bisquits topped with monterey jack cheese and bacon on a foggy saturday morning. We sit on the couch and look out over the bay with fresh coffee in hand. My home right now has a window to watch the water shift colors slightly as the weather changes. Each day it's different and this view never gets old. This spring and summer, I'll keep a record of the variety of colors in the stunning sunsets.

A Noticing

A bumber sticker on a car in the Fred Meyer Parking lot on a friday afternoon at 4pm.

“Love People, Cook them Tasty Food.”

I agree.

this side of the sea

"You look like the elvin king from Lord of the Rings!" shouts a frazzled woman in the alley to the man walking past who obviously took the random blurt as a compliment. His eyes lit up and his long straight hair caught a quick breeze as he turned to join the woman in wherever she was heading. Yes, I am back in Bellingham. These strange but beautiful conversations that I overhear everyday are part of the charm that this city has. People dress in multi-colored organic textured layers and head down to the Saturday market (which thankfully sells beetroot), you can walk around at 2 in the morning without fear, and the Bay just comes to life in the sun or during an autumn storm. Thank you God for bringing me back to such a beautiful place.

It's been about 2 months since coming back from South Africa, and I do apologize for the delay in writing the "returning words." To be honest, until just a few weeks ago, there weren't too many to share. Each day was hard. Normal things were overwhelming and I felt out of place. In some ways this is getting easier but in some, not. More to say later about that.

Thank you Scott for the encouragement to write. On a sad note though, a B'ham essential is gone. The QUarterback is out of business. No more 25c wing nights. So sorry.

A quick summary of the last 2 months. I returned with Cameron (praise God for the blessing that relationship has been), in August and moved back to Bellingham to look for some sort of work. My lovely friend Tanya opened up her house to take me in.It was a great place to transition. We were living in a little cottage behind someone's house, sharing a room, cooking on a hotplate, and making use of a small space. In some ways it felt like training wheels to coming back into a society who values a lot of wasted space in the name of "luxury." Thank you Tanya for sharing your home and for the people living in the house who also truly valued community enough to share their space with others. This last month I moved in with 2 other girls in a 3 bedroom apartment on High Street. They are wonderful and it is a beautiful place. We have a view of downtown and Bellingham Bay. I feel spoiled everyday but am thankful to have a place to sit and breathe and to e living alongside some good friends.

The job situation. Many people had told me that coming home would be a process but I made the mistake of thinking that this would be a process that I would have some sort of control over (isn't that often a misconception we have). Instead it has been a process happening to me. The first month, each day felt different. Some were fine. Some were very painful, others were a blur. My prayer was and is that the work that God was doing in South Africa would continue there and that in some way it would also carry over to this side of the BridGe. To pay the bills, I got a part time job as a recpetionist at Catholic Community Services and I am so grateful for this chance to be back at CCS, working with people I know as well as having time to just be. Be back in America and to re-adjust to life here, see family and friends, and to listen for what God has next. He has been so faithful! He who began a good work in you is SURE to bring it to completion! There have been some interesting conversations about what organizations are doing here in Bellingham and in Seattle around the issue of Human Trafficking, as it is such a prevalent one here too. I will post some links to the websites on here.

Am I going back? God willing. This is something that I am offering up and is in many ways out of my hands. I would love to and am open to what God has in store. For now though, I hold the work that was done there and what continues with open hands knowing that He will continue His work with or without me there...and if God wants me to return, He will lead and will provide. Cameron's also very excited to go back some day!

Thanks to everyone who so faithfully prayed this last year. I've said it before but just to encourage you to continue praying for those who are serving abroad and in your own communities, I felt the prayers! It has hit me more lately, the miricle in the fact that I was not injured, seriously threatened, or harmed in any way during this last year. Many that I know were not as fortunate.

Some things I am so grateful for in returning here:
-breathing fresh air everyday
-riding my bike around down town
-great friends
-cooking fresh, local foods
-being able to be out at night
-leaves changing color
-seeing family
-good coffee
-having lakes to swim in or run around
-quiet places
-church community, worship

What do I miss?
-SIRI AND MANDLA!
-fruit stands on the sidewalk
-walking across town everyday
-the unpredictability of TLF and Pretoria
-the Jacaranda trees
-jumping on a minitaxi and ending up in another country
-essential creativity
-red dirt
-seeing zebras every once in a while
-almost getting run over by cars in the street
-museum park sunsets
-being "in" after dark and having to get creative with friends
-TLF friends!
-smells of the streets
-Rajah curry powder

For now, stay well. More to come. I want to continue this blog and put up more pictures from this last year as I sort through them and print some. If you have any specific questions about the year from this perspective or about what's going on here...please let me know. I'm happy to write! Its still a little strange to have internet access all the time, but i'm getting used to it.

with love always,
robin

Music suggestion of the day: Vusi Mathlasela, and the Afro Cuban Allstars. Enjoy.

pictures to prove it

Enjoy the photos! More to come when i get reconnected with the techy worlD.

The End.

The gazebos came down easily after enduring wind, children, and sprinkler systems for 31 days. Poles were splinted with bamboo sticks and bandaged with red duct tape. Posters advertising information about women and children trafficked all over the world were as tattered as the stories themselves. After an hour or so of deconstruction of the Better World Village, I sat down on the lawn, my favorite little boy Bathle (I'm trying to convince his mother she should let me take him home) in my lap and my favorite man Cameron next to me, and took a deep breath. It's over. A band played on stage and there was a slide show of photos from the month on the big screen and I didn't try to hard not to get weepy. Breathing relief, exhaustion, and thankfulness, were all tangled up together. Just one more day of work here after a year of settling into this community, trying to follow Gods lead in the work and relationships. Each day navigating the challenges of working for a non-profit and living in the inner city.

Its not over yet, and I'm not sure that even when I go home, it will be over. After a year, the connection with a place is deep and the connection with people even deeper. Last Friday was my official last staff meeting and the time to say goodbye to the official job. Since then, passing people on the street or stopping in the office has already felt different. There is so much beauty in the ordinary and mundane of this city. Normal daily conversations with people have become highlights. Routine acts that just have to happen and sometimes became very frustrating are now things I know will be missed. To give you a taste of some of the names you may here me remember, here you go:
George is one of the security guards outside of the tlf offices. He is usually sitting on the cement ledge playing on his cell phone. But when anyone passes he looks up, gives his big huggable smile, and says “GooDday, how are you?” This quick chat would often be enough in the morning to get my mind checked in to engaging with people at work and stepping outside of my own mind.
Freddie the gardener. Wisdom like this guy has is rare, as is his ability to speak clearly and bluntly into whatever is going on in your life. Wait, actually nothing that Freddie says is clear or blunt. It's usually babbled full of extra words and questions that never get answered and stories that seem to be unconnected. But there's wisdom and truth within it all. And the way that he talks wraps you up and takes you with his wandering words. There have been many times where a “hey RoBi!” from behind a plant he's digging around, has turned into a chance to hear from God too. Freddie sharing his story and experiences with Christ have often spoken into mine. He wants to come to Chicago and work with youth but he also wants to stay a gardener. I think he likes the Simple life.
Scholastica's son is Junior. Junior has the most attitude and personality of any 2 year old I've ever met. And he gets it from his mother. Schola is always quick to say hi, and to ask for something. But she and I have had a good time this year. Her attitude is covered by the bright smile and hearty pat on the back that comes with it. She works hard and although she is always wanting something to be different in her life, she walks forward with peace and patience.
Lunch usually came from Annah, the girl who sells fruit on the corner of Andries and Minnar. We never figured out how old she was but she was there selling apples, kip kip, butternut squash, and avocados everyday. Green apples, one rand. That's my favorite lunch. She would usually laugh at something that was happening in the group of us walking by, give a smile, then keep flirting with whichever guy was trying to use the public phones that she operated.
Alan has been around since the beginning. He, his wife Brenda, and little boy Branwell, used to sit on the bench outside of City Hall and set it up like their living room. Branwell would be layed out on a blanket on the sidewalk and laundry drying on the hedge. They are now in Cape Town with Brenda's family and Alan is still working washing and parking cars. Its nice to see him on the way to work, give him a hello and an African handshake, and hear the latest news in his life. Recently he's had a need to go to Jo'Burg and has gotten into a habit of telling us that someone in his family has passed away. Last week it was his 90 year old grandmother, mother, and his uncle. Maybe he forgets that Cameron, Siri, and I all stay together and that we would fit the story together eventually. Alan and his family will be in my prayers for a long time. That they would be able to heal and move forward in this world and that they would come to understand a God that cherishes each of them.
Chris and Jenny. I've written about Chris and Jenny before and haven't seen them much lately. They were, for a long time, a part of every walk to work.
Tumi is a regular at the Potters House. She sits in the corner, usually sleeping but sometimes grabbing a cup of coffee or tea. She's quick to greet you with a slap on the back and a smile so big her eyes close up. There's always some reason why she's not staying at the Potters House, but she seems pretty content to just be around it.
Now for one of my favorite “Pretoria characters.” Rasta. Mo Fire, One Love, Togetherness, Respect, Mo time, Bless I, Rasta. He works on the corner of Bosman and Minnar just opposite Museum Park and lights up the neighborhood (literally and metaphorically). We cannot always tell what Rasta is saying other than it is usually some sort of blessing for the day. He sells sweeties, snacks, and beaded creations. One day he gifted me with a rasta colored beaded ring! To me, he seems like the guardian angel of the area. As Cameron put it...he stays out of everyone's business but somehow knows it all anyway. Rasta...much love, respect, and more time right back atcha!
Abel is Museum Park's caretaker/handiman. He doesn't speak much english but what he knows, he uses often. He and his wife (I think) and a few other family members stay in one of the rooms on the west side of the complex and he's up early everyday fixing, tinkering, or painting something. His cap is falling off his head but always has time for a “morning morning morning” or a “good good good,” Never is a word said only once. Sunday mornings, he's listening to beautiful music and a little boy dances and his wife does the washing. As much as Museum park became a cage in a lot of ways, it also became home...a big home with a huge and crazy family.
All of the German volunteers have become very dear to me also. We have walked this year together in so many ways. We arrived around the same time last summer, adjusted to South African traditions together, lived together, traveled together and endured a month of insane world scale event together. Maren, Nora, Marlena, Carlotta, Antje, Carola, Saskia, Laura, Eva, and Simone will all be very missed. Each of them will be remembered for their generous hearts, laughter, willing spirits and amazing cooking! I have learned so much about the German way of life and even have picked up a few words here and there. So now, there are not too many secrets between the Germans and Americans.
Last, youngest, but definintely not least are the children here who will be remembered so fondly the size they are. Next time, if there is a next time, they will have grown in ways that would be impossible to imagine: Kiki, Koetze, Bathle, Junior, Sinesipho, Ntogoso, gave so many of their hugs and tears to this year. They were often the ones who inspired me to show up to office duty once a month. It was a chance to play with them for a few hours. Their transparent joy reminded me always of the words of Jesus that unless we become like these children...we will never see the Kingdom of God. Thank you little ones. May our paths cross again sometime very soon.

Some of the routines that will be missed: getting airtime, buying bread daily, fruit for breakfast, not having a refrigerator stove, oven or shower, trying to figure out which taxi to take to get anywhere beyond walking distance, locking up the bathroom so the toilet paper won't get stolen, and forgetting that spathlo (chips, russian, bread, and cheese) is not a healthy meal.

Some things really changed during the month of the World Cup, while everyone was in town and international eyes were on this country, people were friendly in a new way. They asked questions, why we were here and if we needed help. The city was more mixed than usual. It was strange to see white people, latino people, and eastern European people walking around town like normal. The city was beautiful. Now, it's back to normal. But my prayer is that some of the changes that happened here will not be temporary. That the atmosphere of the park will be sustained. That it will continue to be a safe place for children and families and that it will still be a place to gather and enjoy the beauty of each day.

Since then, these last 2 weeks have been enjoyable. We took a trip to Pilanesburg to say goodbye to all the animals. Unfortunately still no elephant or lion sightings. There was a trip to Cape Town, which I will have to write about later and now, in the final 3 days its sorting packing and saying see you laters to all those who have become my community here.

Now, if your interested the plans for coming home are to be in Tacoma for a few days then head north to Bellingham, pray there is a job or some potential jobs there to look into, get settled into a new house (at least for a month) then spend some good time with my Mom and Jeff who will be visiting from Texas. So looking forward to sitting with people and just hearing where they are at and how they are doing.

Thank you for joining me in this journey that God lead. I will stay in touch over the next month or so during the transition back home. I am as curious as you may be in what God has in store next, what lessons will follow me home and in what ways the world will look completely different on the other side of the ocean.

Stay WeLL South AfricA.