When I get Older, I will be Stronger

How is it that all it takes during Zoomba for me to cry is hearing and trying to move freely to the song, "When I get older, I will be stronger."? This, for a point of reference is the theme song to the 2010 World Cup games in South Africa.



Oh Lord, I hope so.

Two years ago, I experienced something more painful than I ever had before, something that will affect me for the rest of my life and at the time, I didn't recognize it for what it was. Once illuminated, the healing can begin. It seemed to me that I had felt exceptionally fragile since returning from my year abroad and some of this I attributed to the expected culture shock, transition, etc. Then more than ever, as I wanted to run and hide, community becomes especially necessary. True friends, the ones who know me as much more than the happy go lucky, appeasing, wandering lady have been so good. So powerful. And for them, I am grateful. I am thankful for them (you know who you are), for my dear husband who has walked with me gently and lead me with hope and inspiration into unknown places, and to those unlikely voices of healing that have surprised me over the last 2 years. This one's for them!

It's a relatively short list but their impact goes deep.

Wendy, my yoga instructor. As soon as we returned to the states, I jumped back in to going to yoga since it's always been good for my mind (and body). This class was advertised as an "all levels welcome" and donation only. Two things that sounded particularly appealing. She hosted the class at a renovated Foundary in downtown bellingham. The room was beautifully simple and always slowed my breathing the moment i walked in the room. The emphasis of Forrest Yoga (her particular practice) focuses on self healing (which, granted, I have some theological disagreements with)but what I gleaned from this time was the focus and dedication and capacity we have to change. That capacity affects every part of our being and all those around us. Wendy's voice was always cheerful and calming but determined. Excited but peaceful. Like there will be some grand adventures, and some very trying times but in the end, all will be well. A hymn that often got stuck in my head during that time, "It is well with my soul." At the time, it didn't seem true but i believe my Father knew I needed reminding of that promise. She unknowingly taught me about resilience. She pushed us to hold poses longer and stronger and to try new ones. Moving to the edge of where were comfortable and to look ahead trying to gather the courage to take one step further. Each class ended with low light, peppermint eye pillows and a quick rest. Then we would drink a bit of tea, chat a laugh. For 4 months, I was there faithfully. Less and less as time went on (and price went but it was a needed season and God taught me so much through Wendy's voice. Whether or not she knows it...or Him. Thank you.







Mary, loving mamma (formerly) of the Three Trees. She has always greeted us (the whole fam) with a great big smile and hugs. She delights in seeing good friends and wants them to know it! Whether or not everything is okay, she is there and glad to be there. Her invitations to the farm, honest questions, and secure presence has repeatedly enveloped us over the past 2 years. Whether it is by scooping Miette up in her arms and telling her she's her favorite or by just smiling our direction as we laugh together, encouraging us along the way.

This brings me to Miette, my littlest step-daughter. She's a gem to say the least. All three of the kids are bright spots in my world but Miette has a timing about her that is a unique gift. She will innocently plop herself down on your lap or attack you with a surprise hug, demanding your full attention and affection. Her enthusiastic distraction has over and over, unstuck my mind from whatever concern it was mulling. She cracks herself up and brings everyone around her along for the ride. The trust and confidence of a child just oozes from this little pink blur. Lessons that God can only teach through children have been hovering around our home landing in my heart at just the right time. He is so good.

Most recently, there's Jenny the Zoomba instructor. Don't laugh at me. At least not until you've seen me ZOOMBA!

Okay, sorry. this is very true though.

My friend invited me to go to class with her and I agreed. One, because I hadn't seen this particular friend in way too long but also figured it would be fun to get some exercise in a different way. Jenny's first two instructions were: DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, and DON'T THINK. Sounds easy enough but when you're essentially learning moves that I haven't done since the 8th grade graduation dance...it's easy to THINK about the fact that you are SERIOUSLY making a fool out of yourself. The necessary response..."oh well." By the end of that first class, I was all smiles, ranting about how everyone should do Zoomba...they dont' know what they're missing! I learned later that everyone HAS been doing Zoomba...for like 10 years. hah. well, that's par for me. about 8 years behind the crowd. Anyway, i salsa'd, belly danced, and chacha'd my booty off for 2 hours then beaming met up with Cam. He met me with a big grin and just the comment..."you look really happy!" So now, most weeks, led by the driving and joyful voice of Jenny we dance our pants off (sorry Richard Simmons) and have a great time doing it. Some weeks are much more challenging though. It's hard to not think, or not take yourself seriously when you feel so broken. Lately there have been more songs from South Africa. A Miriam Makebe song about a dance they do in the townships (one of my favs), and 2 or 3 that were played in the air for about 3 months before, during, and after, the World Cup. They are reminders. Reminders that we can grow. And that we are not alone in that process. That it's a really really good thing that we grow. And that through that, we cannot take ourselves too seriously or THINK too much, or we'll end up stumbling over our feet and biting the dust. DANCE! Even if it doesn't match the music and it's not the same moves everyone else is doing.DANCE.

For those of you who know me. i don't like to hurt. i don't do it well. What I have learned, with the help of these few folks mentioned and many others is that it can be okay. More importantly, that our God is real in those times. That his promises are true still. They become even more sweet when they need to be true.


grace + peace

A brief survey for those faithful few

Hi Friends.

I just want to get a quick idea. My heart jumps a little (like a chubby kid excited about their birthday party at Chucky Cheeses) when i think about picking up this blog and writing more often.
Wondering which direction I should take it in..... options that I can think of are:

Escapades at home

photography

general commentary

people around me (and the wildness that ensues)

pretty peaceful things/daydreams

Or any combination of the above? Open to suggestions?
What have you enjoyed in the past most?

cheers darlings,
robin

PRAY!

It should be no surprise that on a Saturday in the beginning of March in Washington it's raining. Like, Washington rain. Grey sky, grey water, plopping drops with a misty background. Cameron is out of town at a training, the kids are at a climbing competition in Oregon so Poppy and I have the house to ourselves. The day started out wonderfully peaceful and productive and has come to a tumultuous and unnerving climax at about 4pm. This piece will assume for a brief moment that you care what I've done today, then hopefully we'll move past that.

This morning I crawled out of bed at 6:30am with Cam to take the kids to the YMCA so they can head to their Comp. Came back home, crawled back in bed with the puppy and read for a bit....then watched an episode of White Collar (which is my current television addiction)


Motivated to get out of bed by the dog who I have lovingly nicknamed, "Happy Feet" due to her persistent wiggling when she needs to go outside, we headed out for a run. in the rain. Now I am not a "runner" but having a dog who needs to get some excersize helps me realize that I have a body that needs to get some excersize too!We usually have a great time. Today, Poppy begrudgingly shuffled along with me tugging at her collar to keep up. We made it for about 15 minute before I gave up and started walking back towards home.

Then it was off to run an errand and make a little stop at a trailer park Estate Sale. You want to spend a Saturday morning with some cutthroat, bleach haired, pink lipsticked, old ladies...go to a Trailerr park Estate sale.I don't recommend it.

A friend came over for a lovely chat. After that, it all went downhill.

For some crazzy reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go to the mall. I am 28 years old and should obviously know by now that going to the mall, just because, is never a good idea.

If there is anything that inspires me to pray, to plead with God to have Jesus return, it's going to the mall just because.

Being there, i feel the wrath of everything that I despise and struggle against, only its presented in a socially acceptible manner and we BUY IT! We pay a hefty price to hear the messages that tell us that we are not good enough. Recently, I've been reading in Matthew:

"Therefore, i tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"....And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lillies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these...Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." 6: 25...34

My prayer in leaving is for peace. For redemption and wholeness for all those who feel busted and broken. That they would not go looking for it at Kohls, or on sale at Victoria Secret but in their Father who see's them as precious.

A day that started out in this place, of rest and peace and stillness watching the grey bay from Woods, motivated to put a bit of time into work at ACCESS FREEDOM



against an injustice that I believe is rampant and goes unseen too often.

This day quickly spiraled down to self loathing thoughts with a 50% discount. During the drive home, my Savior came and reclaimed the territory, and in that changes my thoughts to prayer. Hope for something greater. Something more. Something eternal that we can wait for and cling to, even in the drizzling rain on a grey Saturday in Bellingham.

Movement and Contentment

This morning, while sitting out on the balcony looking out at fog blanketed Bellingham Bay, my mind settled on the word, "Home". Around me was, a Christmas tree in a bright orange 5 gallon bucket waiting to be hung up, a little red tricylce, the bbq with some utensils still hanging on it, squash nestled up next too a little decorative lantern on the table, my planter of mint, and the birdhouse (which has yet to house a bird). It was most definitely not perfect out there on the porch. Not the type of scene you would see on a design website or in a magazine. I sat in a green camping chair. And I was home. Coffee in hand and husband inside making breakfast, I breathed in deep and realized that although there has been so much movement around us this past few weeks; of furniture, people, and places, we are in a place that we love and trust that it is exactly where God has us for now. We can rest in that instead of looking ahead to what's next or what's better.


The Movement:



Three Trees has officially shut it's doors: An era in downtown Bellingham's world has ened. The Three Trees Coffee Shop is closed. Envisions's Ministries (the Christian ministry funding the place) is still alive and well and the church will still meet on Sunday evenings but the downtown livingroom is gone. So many times the characters that frequent that place have come up in my writing and will continue to in my heart always. It was the type of place where anyone, from anywhere, with any story to tell could find a spot at a table...and be heard. The Coffee shop also has a unshakable spot in my heart as it is where Cameron and I met...the first place that I saw this oddball artist sculpting stone at a table in the corner. We will miss you Trees.

The Meyers are in the little room again: We have a housemate again! It's fun to truly live life in community with others. There are challenges of course as you walk alongside new folks but too many positives out weigh any negatives, that we adopted a friend as a roomie. This did put us back on the south side of the house into the smaller room (with no view) but to be able to walk out to the kitchen and gaze out the huge window at the mountains is nothing to complain about.

Friends are awaiting their house closing: Our dear friends are still waiting for their pending home buying extravaganza to end. Meaning: they are anxiously awaiting being allowed to move into the house they are buying. For now, they live here too. Musical beds is the name of the game! Shuffling suitcases and mattress...pulling out sofa beds and cramming the fridge as full as we can.

Kids have new bunkbeds: The kids have bunkbeds! Quickly they were turned into a cave with sheets up and Christmas light strung around them. For 2 (pretty hip and cool) teenagers, they did great impressions of little kids having a blast playing in a make believe fort. We hope eventually for the kids to each have their own room but this is where we are right now...and they seem to be okay with it. The only complaint I heard was over who's mattress was more comfortable.


The Contentment:

We get creative, and have fun doing it. A few nights ago, I got overwhelmed with all the movement and the people and the changes. The only solution was to climb in bed, watch some TV and go to sleep. Some nights are like that. But since then...people have settled in and slowed down into a smoother rythmn. I can enjoy the funny things when people live in close quarters and can run around at the park across the street and play tag (yes, I still play tag) Man, am I thankful to have a 7 year old step daughter who loves to play tag!

We cook great meals, sit down together discussing...well, tonight it was Pink FLoyd, wreath design, and memory foam). Kids are eager to make Chai Tea concentrate and deep friend cherries and have curry on wheat thins.

Saturdays can be spent snow shoeing up at Mount Baker and a seriously dynamic father daughter duo can have a blast together jumping off snowy hills that stodgy-step mom (hah) is too nervous to slide down on her bum.






God is Good. Cam and I have gotten into the habit of listening to Tim Keller online; his sermons are fantastic! The other night as I sunk into my pillow, Kellar was explaining how the Goodness of God frees us from worry. God is not only the only one who truly knows what we need, He is the only one with the cahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifpability to give it to us. We ask so many others, and bang our heads against every wall trying to get it for ourselves. He knows and He gives. He is Good and He Loves us. Simple truths really but the implications of believing these are stunning. At least I have been stunned at the many ways and many circumstances that I practically don't believe. But we grow. This year, God has challenged me in completely new ways...to follow Him into the unknown, trusting that He is Good, and He loves us.


http://www.redeemer.com/

Accepting HOME this morning was a new acceptance of His goodness and provision, not just some wonderful "self discovery" or anything. It was His grace allowing me to see where He has us. Thank God....for all of this.

Simple Pleasures

This last week was about the simple things. Generic and cliche as it is, I am breathing them in deeply. During the next few weeks, there will be more transitions and new possibilities so easy days and pretty views are cherished. There will be nothing profound here just some snapshots of things that have made me smile recently:



1. Open Mic Night at the Three Trees: There will be only 1 of these left before the place closes its doors and is transformed into a tavern (guh, just what this college town needs)This has been an incredible place for so many, becoming the downtown "livingroom," and meeting place. Here are Mitch and Ken version of "Down on the Delta"




2. My collection. Until a few days ago, I didn't know that I collected anything. But I do. Small bud vases. They are just pretty. Dusk is especially fancy when viewed through the antique glass. Other than my lovely man, they are the first thing I see when I wake up and look out the window at what the day may hold.




3. Date Night & Concerts in general. Cam and I went to see The Cave Singers, an accidental Seattle band who put one quite a show Friday Night. In true Bellingham fashion, there were LOTS of beards, flannel, ski caps, and brown boots. Lead singer played the melodica. That's fun. Also fun was watching Cameron react to somehow ending up behind the bounciest, loudest, flalingest two girls in the crowd. She stomped his toes with her (very cute) brown boots. I laughed (while i tried to not), she laughed (obliviously), and he smiled (that sarcastic, "i love this" type of smile). We had fun!




4. A window with a view. This never gets old. Each night displays different colors and patterns. They are especially crisp and bright this time of year. Nuff said.




5. Mucky walks on Sehome Hill, giggling to myself about all the dingleberries on the bushes. Since it's almost Thanksgiving it seems about the right time to decorate the house for Christmas so I went foraging. Holly branches, check. Cedar branches, check. Spruce branches, check. Dingleberries (hehehe) check. Just enough to home make a wreath (it ended up just a evergreen mustache with a bow, but looks just as festive on the front door). Being that I live in Bellingham which is an extremely environmentally conscious town, while walking i was preparing my defense in case I encountered someone personally offended that innocent branches were being snipped from unsuspecting trees. My approach: only clipping one off of each tree. A longer walk, but that was just fine on the chilly, frosty, perfect day.

For now, that's it. The aim is contentment and these things help. Trying to just find moments and images each day and let them soak in.

There are too many similarities between this blog right now and the house plants in my condo. I am well intentioned. Honestly. Now, I am not sparking this little laptop up and lettin my fingers fly because the words that come out will probably do any one any good. It is not a narcissistic attempt to find my fifteen minutes of virtual (or viral) fame. Writing is good for me, so is reading. So lets just view this blog post as a watering can full of plant food and water given to my limp flowers in hopes that they'll perk up for at least a day. Its worth a try. And. I found the plants in an ally on a dumpster on a day when I was really needing some flowers in my life. So they have served their purpose and there's not much to loose.

It's been nearly 7 months since I've written on here. I can sum them up.

May: prepare for wedding festivities. Family fun. Big party, pretty white dress, hunky man waiting for me at the end of the isle, good food, lots of dancing. Honeymoon in Boston, Maine, and Cape Cod. A true New England tour complete with lobster feasts and a sunset cruise and a visit to the SS. Constitution. (i like boats. Become a wife and momma (or a steppie, depending on the lingo you prefer)

June: Normal spring/summer fun here in B'Ham. Farmers markets, frisbee in the park, camping up on the Nooksack river, garage sales. Perfectly fine things to do with your NEW HUSBAND AND STEP KIDS (from here out will be referred to as "the clan."

July: More summer exploration: Larabee, hiking, lots of work, become a liscenced bar tender and tend my first bar. And probably my last. find rope swings and swim at the local lakes. Oh, and I turned 28. Which i was afraid would feel old. But my husband is 35 (he looks young), so I feel young and spry!

August: Work, splashing in lakes, wishing I had a dog, work, interviewing for new job (for the 4th time this year...ugh), work, then a lovely annual family camping trip to Gold Basin.

September: Labor day weekend at the Farm in Port Townsend that Cameron's sister and brother in law live at. Play with llamas and fling apples at a barn. So nice. Reconnect with some friends that I've been distracted from. That whole newlywed thing I suppose. ;) Weddings number 3 and 4 of the summer. Get my first "real" haircut in probably 5 years. Oh did I feel sexy!

October: Life slows to a manageable pace, like it's supposed to in autumn. Kids are back in school. Work (which by the way almost always will refer to the non-profit work that Cameron and I are doing. my real work is not so exciting...well its exciting in a prime time sitcom type of way...think The Office) slows before a big push for the community training. YMCA visits are more frequent as the sun is starting to set EARLY.

November: And here we are. My doctor prescribed,"Exercise" to me on my last visit to still my reeling mind and to ground me a bit after a whirlwind summer. I do. Some. Not enough probably. But now it's dark at 4:30 pm and the cold wind is not as inviting to pop out for a run. It was also suggested to me recently to take care of myself...which means...spoiling myself with tasty warm beverages, candle light, warm baths, time to read and write(ahem, hence I am plopped down in front of my computer), and quietness. I've set some goals.

1. Write weekly on this thing. No matter who, if anyone reads. And for real writing regularly. Like the pen and paper kind.
2. Read a book every 2 weeks-ish. Fun ones. Not the non-fiction learning ones I am normally drawn to.

Becoming a psuedo momma and wifey have taken some learning but my man and his kiddos are incredible. The kids are a riot and a joy and don't even get me started about my adoring Husband. There will probably be a post just about HIM.

For now, here are some pics from a drizzly walk we took before heading into church-ish at the Three Trees Coffee Shop. Thank God for that place.





Until next time.
Here's one for laughs. She fell. Really.

The View from Here

It's the first day all year that Bellingham has gotten above 50 degrees. And it's sunny! It's the type of day that we Bellinghamsters dream of. People are out in tank tops, skirts, Chacos and are sporting their $5 sunglasses at the swarming farmers market. The day is lovely. Today thought, I am wrestling with a cold, and the chilly breeze. I must rest, but I want to run, explore, wander, play. I am inspired today by some friends of mine who are so good at resting. At truly enjoying the stillness and wonderful spots of beauty around them, regardless of their mood or health. Happy with a great book and a nice view. Right now, I am surrounded by both.



There are 35 days until I will be Mrs. Robin Marie Crispulo Meyer. These moments of solitude will be few and far between in the next month. Here's to them!! Looking forward to one of these this evening too!