Tiny Steps towards FUN.

The other day I was asked what my hobbies are. This has always been a hard question for me since many folks excel at a few chosen things; knitting, cooking, photography, etc. I, however have mastered mediocre. A friend and I used to laugh that we were great at trying new things but not getting attached to them. I have tried a lot of hobbies! The ones that have stuck, the ones that I would love to do more of, seem so out of reach now. Travel. This was absolutely my favorite hobby. Quite a pricey one though at times and difficult with full time job and a full house. Kayaking. Also requires a bit of equipment and time. Photography. I've had too many camera's taken from me, or broken to want to step back into this right now. Writing. No excuses here...I just need to do it (hence this blog) Guitar. Always more stressful than fun due to my novice-ness. Running. Last year, I ran a half-marathon and this was the most I've accomplished at a "hobby" in a long time. Now I am starting again...remembering that for it to be a hobby it needs to be just for fun. Doing it for the sake of doing it. Because "it" is enjoyable. What's the missing ingredient? I would argue that it's commitment and practice. Deciding that these fun things are worth spending time and energy on. As I look up at this list...oh man...if I could spend my time doing these things...I would be one HAPPY GIRL! There are people around me that I admire so much who do this. They spend time on the things they love and the results are beautiful. Beautiful creations, experiences, and even more beautiful..the people and the lives that they live. Fun use to come quite easily to me and I had absolutely no problem prioritizing it. Now, that doesn't some so natural. 2014. Here comes the FUN. What is your favorite fun? How to do commit to it when responsibilities compete?

Another Try

It's been 6 months. It's almost 2014. Let's try this again. Last post was mostly a barf online. I'll try to save ya'll from that again. Still thinking about what to use this space for but my gut is saying that I should use it. My life is not super wild right now. We are in the norm right now; being married, raising some kids, going to church, owning a home, and working a job. In this all though, there's both the messy and the sparkling days. That is all. We'll see what 2014 brings. This is NOT a new years resolution (ughhhhh....or maybe....)

All my children

Just now, I realized that I am a disturbingly picky person. It took me a few seconds to decide which particular mug to drink my tea from. obviously, the mug must fit my mood, the beverage, and the time of day. The morning coffee cups are functional, plain and not to distract me from the goodness they hold. Their job is sacred. Deliver caffeine to my face. Evening mugs are completely different. They are to be enjoyed and contemplated. Beauty and process appreciated. Tonight's is a burgundy handmade tall one with a reminding crack down one side. Simple shape and horrendously insulated so you burn your hands and have to drink slowly. Please know that I am fully aware that you have better things to do with your time than read about my mug choices. But you are reading a blog, so you must enjoy glimpses into people's worlds be they mundane or riveting. There are millions of excuses I could give for not writing. My reason of the day varies like my mug choice. Today's is that I haven't had a writing "space." Even that can't keep these words from flowing tonight. I plopped my writing desk and favorite blue lamp smack in front of the window of our front room which is thoroughly and completely a construction zone right now. The view outside is a yard filled with dirt and overgrown flower bed. Fortunately the 6 foot tall lilies dominate and quickly capture your attention.

The wonderful wreckage of our 113 year old home being revamped is besides the point however. What is bursting from my fingers is the idea that still God has me bridging. A theme that was chosen someone flippantly still continues to work its way into my life. God is good to prepares us with names that will remind us that He was with us then and now. Now I stretch. Bridging the world of adult; traditionally employed, home owning, parenting, married, churchgoing, yard-working, lady and that of the hidden young faces on the sidewalks and shelters of our town. Last week at my softball game (see, I'm even on a women's softball team!) I walked through the parking lot and saw a license plate hold that read, "I'd rather be watching Ellen." yes, of course it was on a Subaru. How typical. This world just an hour after leaving the world of a 20 year old who was hit and hurt as a kid, finds whatever they can to feel better now, can't quite follow through enough to come to a GED class twice a week, swears up and down (and in my face) that its all my fault, lands them-self in jail then wonders why their dad doesn't comes to visit. How typical.

They are both gorgeous in their honesty. and they don't typically talk with each other. Which do I stand aligned with? Both, at the exact same time. And then there's my children. All my children. None biological at this point and three that are truly family. Three beautiful children that sleep at home and raid the fridge. I am more grateful than anyone can really know that I get to be a part of their lives as they unfold in uniquely fruitful and challenging ways. Then there's the children that I see at work. I hear their stories and secrets and am tasked with the job of supporting them to become "self sufficient." To work their way back into being a contributing member of society. More than anything I want to be there with them; understanding and walking with them through the muck. And more than anything I want to be at home in my yard with the kids, playing in the sprinkler and baking delicious rosemary sea salt bread. Weeding the garden bed and pouring over maps planning our next camping trip. Sometimes the stretch makes me sore. Sore but unbelievably thankful to be allowed into so many worlds. Permitted to see so many young ones make mistakes and then have a long awaited win! My cup overfloweth. This simple grey clay cracked one particularly right now. Thank you Lord.

When I get Older, I will be Stronger

How is it that all it takes during Zoomba for me to cry is hearing and trying to move freely to the song, "When I get older, I will be stronger."? This, for a point of reference is the theme song to the 2010 World Cup games in South Africa.



Oh Lord, I hope so.

Two years ago, I experienced something more painful than I ever had before, something that will affect me for the rest of my life and at the time, I didn't recognize it for what it was. Once illuminated, the healing can begin. It seemed to me that I had felt exceptionally fragile since returning from my year abroad and some of this I attributed to the expected culture shock, transition, etc. Then more than ever, as I wanted to run and hide, community becomes especially necessary. True friends, the ones who know me as much more than the happy go lucky, appeasing, wandering lady have been so good. So powerful. And for them, I am grateful. I am thankful for them (you know who you are), for my dear husband who has walked with me gently and lead me with hope and inspiration into unknown places, and to those unlikely voices of healing that have surprised me over the last 2 years. This one's for them!

It's a relatively short list but their impact goes deep.

Wendy, my yoga instructor. As soon as we returned to the states, I jumped back in to going to yoga since it's always been good for my mind (and body). This class was advertised as an "all levels welcome" and donation only. Two things that sounded particularly appealing. She hosted the class at a renovated Foundary in downtown bellingham. The room was beautifully simple and always slowed my breathing the moment i walked in the room. The emphasis of Forrest Yoga (her particular practice) focuses on self healing (which, granted, I have some theological disagreements with)but what I gleaned from this time was the focus and dedication and capacity we have to change. That capacity affects every part of our being and all those around us. Wendy's voice was always cheerful and calming but determined. Excited but peaceful. Like there will be some grand adventures, and some very trying times but in the end, all will be well. A hymn that often got stuck in my head during that time, "It is well with my soul." At the time, it didn't seem true but i believe my Father knew I needed reminding of that promise. She unknowingly taught me about resilience. She pushed us to hold poses longer and stronger and to try new ones. Moving to the edge of where were comfortable and to look ahead trying to gather the courage to take one step further. Each class ended with low light, peppermint eye pillows and a quick rest. Then we would drink a bit of tea, chat a laugh. For 4 months, I was there faithfully. Less and less as time went on (and price went but it was a needed season and God taught me so much through Wendy's voice. Whether or not she knows it...or Him. Thank you.







Mary, loving mamma (formerly) of the Three Trees. She has always greeted us (the whole fam) with a great big smile and hugs. She delights in seeing good friends and wants them to know it! Whether or not everything is okay, she is there and glad to be there. Her invitations to the farm, honest questions, and secure presence has repeatedly enveloped us over the past 2 years. Whether it is by scooping Miette up in her arms and telling her she's her favorite or by just smiling our direction as we laugh together, encouraging us along the way.

This brings me to Miette, my littlest step-daughter. She's a gem to say the least. All three of the kids are bright spots in my world but Miette has a timing about her that is a unique gift. She will innocently plop herself down on your lap or attack you with a surprise hug, demanding your full attention and affection. Her enthusiastic distraction has over and over, unstuck my mind from whatever concern it was mulling. She cracks herself up and brings everyone around her along for the ride. The trust and confidence of a child just oozes from this little pink blur. Lessons that God can only teach through children have been hovering around our home landing in my heart at just the right time. He is so good.

Most recently, there's Jenny the Zoomba instructor. Don't laugh at me. At least not until you've seen me ZOOMBA!

Okay, sorry. this is very true though.

My friend invited me to go to class with her and I agreed. One, because I hadn't seen this particular friend in way too long but also figured it would be fun to get some exercise in a different way. Jenny's first two instructions were: DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, and DON'T THINK. Sounds easy enough but when you're essentially learning moves that I haven't done since the 8th grade graduation dance...it's easy to THINK about the fact that you are SERIOUSLY making a fool out of yourself. The necessary response..."oh well." By the end of that first class, I was all smiles, ranting about how everyone should do Zoomba...they dont' know what they're missing! I learned later that everyone HAS been doing Zoomba...for like 10 years. hah. well, that's par for me. about 8 years behind the crowd. Anyway, i salsa'd, belly danced, and chacha'd my booty off for 2 hours then beaming met up with Cam. He met me with a big grin and just the comment..."you look really happy!" So now, most weeks, led by the driving and joyful voice of Jenny we dance our pants off (sorry Richard Simmons) and have a great time doing it. Some weeks are much more challenging though. It's hard to not think, or not take yourself seriously when you feel so broken. Lately there have been more songs from South Africa. A Miriam Makebe song about a dance they do in the townships (one of my favs), and 2 or 3 that were played in the air for about 3 months before, during, and after, the World Cup. They are reminders. Reminders that we can grow. And that we are not alone in that process. That it's a really really good thing that we grow. And that through that, we cannot take ourselves too seriously or THINK too much, or we'll end up stumbling over our feet and biting the dust. DANCE! Even if it doesn't match the music and it's not the same moves everyone else is doing.DANCE.

For those of you who know me. i don't like to hurt. i don't do it well. What I have learned, with the help of these few folks mentioned and many others is that it can be okay. More importantly, that our God is real in those times. That his promises are true still. They become even more sweet when they need to be true.


grace + peace

A brief survey for those faithful few

Hi Friends.

I just want to get a quick idea. My heart jumps a little (like a chubby kid excited about their birthday party at Chucky Cheeses) when i think about picking up this blog and writing more often.
Wondering which direction I should take it in..... options that I can think of are:

Escapades at home

photography

general commentary

people around me (and the wildness that ensues)

pretty peaceful things/daydreams

Or any combination of the above? Open to suggestions?
What have you enjoyed in the past most?

cheers darlings,
robin

PRAY!

It should be no surprise that on a Saturday in the beginning of March in Washington it's raining. Like, Washington rain. Grey sky, grey water, plopping drops with a misty background. Cameron is out of town at a training, the kids are at a climbing competition in Oregon so Poppy and I have the house to ourselves. The day started out wonderfully peaceful and productive and has come to a tumultuous and unnerving climax at about 4pm. This piece will assume for a brief moment that you care what I've done today, then hopefully we'll move past that.

This morning I crawled out of bed at 6:30am with Cam to take the kids to the YMCA so they can head to their Comp. Came back home, crawled back in bed with the puppy and read for a bit....then watched an episode of White Collar (which is my current television addiction)


Motivated to get out of bed by the dog who I have lovingly nicknamed, "Happy Feet" due to her persistent wiggling when she needs to go outside, we headed out for a run. in the rain. Now I am not a "runner" but having a dog who needs to get some excersize helps me realize that I have a body that needs to get some excersize too!We usually have a great time. Today, Poppy begrudgingly shuffled along with me tugging at her collar to keep up. We made it for about 15 minute before I gave up and started walking back towards home.

Then it was off to run an errand and make a little stop at a trailer park Estate Sale. You want to spend a Saturday morning with some cutthroat, bleach haired, pink lipsticked, old ladies...go to a Trailerr park Estate sale.I don't recommend it.

A friend came over for a lovely chat. After that, it all went downhill.

For some crazzy reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go to the mall. I am 28 years old and should obviously know by now that going to the mall, just because, is never a good idea.

If there is anything that inspires me to pray, to plead with God to have Jesus return, it's going to the mall just because.

Being there, i feel the wrath of everything that I despise and struggle against, only its presented in a socially acceptible manner and we BUY IT! We pay a hefty price to hear the messages that tell us that we are not good enough. Recently, I've been reading in Matthew:

"Therefore, i tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"....And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lillies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these...Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." 6: 25...34

My prayer in leaving is for peace. For redemption and wholeness for all those who feel busted and broken. That they would not go looking for it at Kohls, or on sale at Victoria Secret but in their Father who see's them as precious.

A day that started out in this place, of rest and peace and stillness watching the grey bay from Woods, motivated to put a bit of time into work at ACCESS FREEDOM



against an injustice that I believe is rampant and goes unseen too often.

This day quickly spiraled down to self loathing thoughts with a 50% discount. During the drive home, my Savior came and reclaimed the territory, and in that changes my thoughts to prayer. Hope for something greater. Something more. Something eternal that we can wait for and cling to, even in the drizzling rain on a grey Saturday in Bellingham.

Movement and Contentment

This morning, while sitting out on the balcony looking out at fog blanketed Bellingham Bay, my mind settled on the word, "Home". Around me was, a Christmas tree in a bright orange 5 gallon bucket waiting to be hung up, a little red tricylce, the bbq with some utensils still hanging on it, squash nestled up next too a little decorative lantern on the table, my planter of mint, and the birdhouse (which has yet to house a bird). It was most definitely not perfect out there on the porch. Not the type of scene you would see on a design website or in a magazine. I sat in a green camping chair. And I was home. Coffee in hand and husband inside making breakfast, I breathed in deep and realized that although there has been so much movement around us this past few weeks; of furniture, people, and places, we are in a place that we love and trust that it is exactly where God has us for now. We can rest in that instead of looking ahead to what's next or what's better.


The Movement:



Three Trees has officially shut it's doors: An era in downtown Bellingham's world has ened. The Three Trees Coffee Shop is closed. Envisions's Ministries (the Christian ministry funding the place) is still alive and well and the church will still meet on Sunday evenings but the downtown livingroom is gone. So many times the characters that frequent that place have come up in my writing and will continue to in my heart always. It was the type of place where anyone, from anywhere, with any story to tell could find a spot at a table...and be heard. The Coffee shop also has a unshakable spot in my heart as it is where Cameron and I met...the first place that I saw this oddball artist sculpting stone at a table in the corner. We will miss you Trees.

The Meyers are in the little room again: We have a housemate again! It's fun to truly live life in community with others. There are challenges of course as you walk alongside new folks but too many positives out weigh any negatives, that we adopted a friend as a roomie. This did put us back on the south side of the house into the smaller room (with no view) but to be able to walk out to the kitchen and gaze out the huge window at the mountains is nothing to complain about.

Friends are awaiting their house closing: Our dear friends are still waiting for their pending home buying extravaganza to end. Meaning: they are anxiously awaiting being allowed to move into the house they are buying. For now, they live here too. Musical beds is the name of the game! Shuffling suitcases and mattress...pulling out sofa beds and cramming the fridge as full as we can.

Kids have new bunkbeds: The kids have bunkbeds! Quickly they were turned into a cave with sheets up and Christmas light strung around them. For 2 (pretty hip and cool) teenagers, they did great impressions of little kids having a blast playing in a make believe fort. We hope eventually for the kids to each have their own room but this is where we are right now...and they seem to be okay with it. The only complaint I heard was over who's mattress was more comfortable.


The Contentment:

We get creative, and have fun doing it. A few nights ago, I got overwhelmed with all the movement and the people and the changes. The only solution was to climb in bed, watch some TV and go to sleep. Some nights are like that. But since then...people have settled in and slowed down into a smoother rythmn. I can enjoy the funny things when people live in close quarters and can run around at the park across the street and play tag (yes, I still play tag) Man, am I thankful to have a 7 year old step daughter who loves to play tag!

We cook great meals, sit down together discussing...well, tonight it was Pink FLoyd, wreath design, and memory foam). Kids are eager to make Chai Tea concentrate and deep friend cherries and have curry on wheat thins.

Saturdays can be spent snow shoeing up at Mount Baker and a seriously dynamic father daughter duo can have a blast together jumping off snowy hills that stodgy-step mom (hah) is too nervous to slide down on her bum.






God is Good. Cam and I have gotten into the habit of listening to Tim Keller online; his sermons are fantastic! The other night as I sunk into my pillow, Kellar was explaining how the Goodness of God frees us from worry. God is not only the only one who truly knows what we need, He is the only one with the cahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifpability to give it to us. We ask so many others, and bang our heads against every wall trying to get it for ourselves. He knows and He gives. He is Good and He Loves us. Simple truths really but the implications of believing these are stunning. At least I have been stunned at the many ways and many circumstances that I practically don't believe. But we grow. This year, God has challenged me in completely new ways...to follow Him into the unknown, trusting that He is Good, and He loves us.


http://www.redeemer.com/

Accepting HOME this morning was a new acceptance of His goodness and provision, not just some wonderful "self discovery" or anything. It was His grace allowing me to see where He has us. Thank God....for all of this.