Showing Up

here I am. Showing up to write. It's 9:34pm. I"m in bed. Groceries bought and dishes done (well, mostly). We are ready to head over to Chimacum; a favorite gathering spot at the Sister and Brother-in law's farm house. The camera search continues since I would really like to get one that will be exactly what I/we want and not a hasty purchase. You may have to bear through some phone shots until then since this place is too beautiful not to at least attempt to share. My goal: enjoy beauty. signing out.

WRITE EVERY DAY.

I am writing. Yes. Yes, that is what I am doing. Cam surprised me today and leaked my Christmas present...a new camera! Pictures are so dear and I have been learning the hard way for the past 5 years that God does take away, and He gives. He takes wisely and sovereignly and He gives unabashadley. I have lost many many pictures; of childhood, college adventures, lost loves, and precious times with family. A computer was stolen from my room in South Africa, a camera stolen literally seconds after I put it away but left the case unzipped, a box of photos from growing up lost in transition, a phone full of smiles ans simple moments that were intentionally taken. It's sad. Losing photos is sad. Other things have been lost too, some much more weighty than glossy prints. These I mourn daily. But to stay there? There has also been so much gained! Children, a home, a career, a community, a husband, and just plain gritti-ness of Spirit. There is no doubt that I have life. What the camera also means?? PRETTY PICTURES! We are planning some near-by explorations. You will see bits of them!

Tiny Steps towards FUN.

The other day I was asked what my hobbies are. This has always been a hard question for me since many folks excel at a few chosen things; knitting, cooking, photography, etc. I, however have mastered mediocre. A friend and I used to laugh that we were great at trying new things but not getting attached to them. I have tried a lot of hobbies! The ones that have stuck, the ones that I would love to do more of, seem so out of reach now. Travel. This was absolutely my favorite hobby. Quite a pricey one though at times and difficult with full time job and a full house. Kayaking. Also requires a bit of equipment and time. Photography. I've had too many camera's taken from me, or broken to want to step back into this right now. Writing. No excuses here...I just need to do it (hence this blog) Guitar. Always more stressful than fun due to my novice-ness. Running. Last year, I ran a half-marathon and this was the most I've accomplished at a "hobby" in a long time. Now I am starting again...remembering that for it to be a hobby it needs to be just for fun. Doing it for the sake of doing it. Because "it" is enjoyable. What's the missing ingredient? I would argue that it's commitment and practice. Deciding that these fun things are worth spending time and energy on. As I look up at this list...oh man...if I could spend my time doing these things...I would be one HAPPY GIRL! There are people around me that I admire so much who do this. They spend time on the things they love and the results are beautiful. Beautiful creations, experiences, and even more beautiful..the people and the lives that they live. Fun use to come quite easily to me and I had absolutely no problem prioritizing it. Now, that doesn't some so natural. 2014. Here comes the FUN. What is your favorite fun? How to do commit to it when responsibilities compete?

Another Try

It's been 6 months. It's almost 2014. Let's try this again. Last post was mostly a barf online. I'll try to save ya'll from that again. Still thinking about what to use this space for but my gut is saying that I should use it. My life is not super wild right now. We are in the norm right now; being married, raising some kids, going to church, owning a home, and working a job. In this all though, there's both the messy and the sparkling days. That is all. We'll see what 2014 brings. This is NOT a new years resolution (ughhhhh....or maybe....)

All my children

Just now, I realized that I am a disturbingly picky person. It took me a few seconds to decide which particular mug to drink my tea from. obviously, the mug must fit my mood, the beverage, and the time of day. The morning coffee cups are functional, plain and not to distract me from the goodness they hold. Their job is sacred. Deliver caffeine to my face. Evening mugs are completely different. They are to be enjoyed and contemplated. Beauty and process appreciated. Tonight's is a burgundy handmade tall one with a reminding crack down one side. Simple shape and horrendously insulated so you burn your hands and have to drink slowly. Please know that I am fully aware that you have better things to do with your time than read about my mug choices. But you are reading a blog, so you must enjoy glimpses into people's worlds be they mundane or riveting. There are millions of excuses I could give for not writing. My reason of the day varies like my mug choice. Today's is that I haven't had a writing "space." Even that can't keep these words from flowing tonight. I plopped my writing desk and favorite blue lamp smack in front of the window of our front room which is thoroughly and completely a construction zone right now. The view outside is a yard filled with dirt and overgrown flower bed. Fortunately the 6 foot tall lilies dominate and quickly capture your attention.

The wonderful wreckage of our 113 year old home being revamped is besides the point however. What is bursting from my fingers is the idea that still God has me bridging. A theme that was chosen someone flippantly still continues to work its way into my life. God is good to prepares us with names that will remind us that He was with us then and now. Now I stretch. Bridging the world of adult; traditionally employed, home owning, parenting, married, churchgoing, yard-working, lady and that of the hidden young faces on the sidewalks and shelters of our town. Last week at my softball game (see, I'm even on a women's softball team!) I walked through the parking lot and saw a license plate hold that read, "I'd rather be watching Ellen." yes, of course it was on a Subaru. How typical. This world just an hour after leaving the world of a 20 year old who was hit and hurt as a kid, finds whatever they can to feel better now, can't quite follow through enough to come to a GED class twice a week, swears up and down (and in my face) that its all my fault, lands them-self in jail then wonders why their dad doesn't comes to visit. How typical.

They are both gorgeous in their honesty. and they don't typically talk with each other. Which do I stand aligned with? Both, at the exact same time. And then there's my children. All my children. None biological at this point and three that are truly family. Three beautiful children that sleep at home and raid the fridge. I am more grateful than anyone can really know that I get to be a part of their lives as they unfold in uniquely fruitful and challenging ways. Then there's the children that I see at work. I hear their stories and secrets and am tasked with the job of supporting them to become "self sufficient." To work their way back into being a contributing member of society. More than anything I want to be there with them; understanding and walking with them through the muck. And more than anything I want to be at home in my yard with the kids, playing in the sprinkler and baking delicious rosemary sea salt bread. Weeding the garden bed and pouring over maps planning our next camping trip. Sometimes the stretch makes me sore. Sore but unbelievably thankful to be allowed into so many worlds. Permitted to see so many young ones make mistakes and then have a long awaited win! My cup overfloweth. This simple grey clay cracked one particularly right now. Thank you Lord.